Modern mainstream culture is all about becoming a Someone. “I’m gonna be somebody!” Someone important, successful, beautiful, or wealthy. The goal is to become a winner in a win-lose game. That game requires holding on tight because if you are not a “winner,” you are a “loser.”
Becoming a trainer for transformational spaces can appear like another impressively shiny trophy to add to the case leaning against your Box’s wall. Something to aspire to, something that will cause people to look up to and admire you. Something that can be used to show everyone and ourselves that we are truly Someone worthy. However, the only way to keep spaces transformational is by becoming Nobody...
For those with a self-doubting or “playing small” Box, the process of deciding to step into being a trainer for transformational spaces can feel like sizing up a jump over a large gap between rocks with a cliff plummeting hundreds of feet below. “Will I make it? What if I miss and plummet to my death? I am not good enough to be a trainer anyway. I am not perfect yet! Who am I to think I am worthy enough, smart enough, strong enough, caring enough, patient enough, egoless enough, loving enough to become a trainer for transformational spaces?”
Your old, familiar identity cannot make that leap. You already know who that person is - your preferences, your pet peeves, your habits and your survival and defensive strategies. From the perspective of that identity, holding space for others might seem impossible. From the perspective of your Box, your preferences and survival strategies make the possibility of being in service to others through your Bright Principles totally inconceivable!.
Once you make a decision to become a spaceholder or Trainer for transformational spaces, you may experience yourself allowing a new identity to emerge, the fluid identity of someone you have not met before. You will be challenged with one opportunity after another to shift beyond the you that you know. Opening to these opportunities to shift into a fluid identity makes you uniquely qualified to hold space for others who also decide to pursue the path of transformation.
A trainer or a spaceholder for transformation is not a Someone Important. What IS important is the space. The people in the space who show up for transformation are important. The identity of Your Box and its attachment to status, comfort, self-protection, are only important to be aware of. Otherwise, Your Box poses the biggest danger to the emerging of the Extraordinary.
Choosing to make the shift from your current, old familiar identity requires a large enough gap between your Box and your being. The gap is the space between your fixed identity and the vast unimagined world of possibilities before you. That gap grows each time you go through an emotional healing process or an initiation process where your Box identity dissolves and reforms into something completely new. The more often you have gone through these processes - died and resurrected yourself, crashed and burned, fallen on your face in the mud and put yourself back together - the larger the gap you will have between your Box and your being and the easier it will be to shift and expand your identity so that you can accept and embrace serving the space of transformation as a Nobody.
Being a Nobody allows you to be liquid and in motion, so that hooks that would normally catch your gremlin or your Box, slide right past you . This means that even if someone’s gremlin insults you, insinuates your deepest insecurities are true, or thinks that you are boring and what you are offering is stupid, you can remain centered AND in service to their being--because, who are you to be insulted? You are No-one.
A beautiful illustration of this comes from the Orang Asli tribe in Malaysia. The language of the Orang Asli does not contain nouns because no one thing can be defined as a static object. All things are constantly in motion and changing.
A river, when you step into it, is not the same as when you stepped in it yesterday or a minute before. It is not “a river”. Rivering is happening.
You may believe that you are a fixed person, that you like this but not that, and you are this way and not that way and that is just the way you are. In actuality, your body is moving water. Your cells are continuously dying and regenerating. Your being is energy in motion. You are Rivering happening. If your Box is running the show, you can be reactivity happening. You can also be Love happening, or Clarity happening or Transformation happening, flowing into the space and the beings that you serve.
The path is one of practice. Being perfect is impossible and making mistakes is part of the practice. As you practice holding space for others - whether that be for your family, your friends or a group of people who have showed up to your space for transformation, you have the opportunity to widen the gap between your identity, your Box and your Being. You have the opportunity to practice being Nobody. While trying to be a Somebody may feel like a worthy cause to your Box, being Nobody in service of others and something greater than yourself (Bright Principles) will feed your Being and your soul.
You can try it anytime. The next interaction you have with someone, you can hold space. Declare the space in service of Love or Connection. If you feel yourself reacting to something, hold that reaction an arm’s length away from you. See it happen, let it know you will get to it later. Do not let it contaminate the space. Instead, speak, or do not speak from Love. See what happens. The more you practice, the easier it gets.
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